The Scene is AMANDA's flat in Paris. A few days have elapsed
since Act 1. The flat is charmingly furnished, its principal
features being a Steinway Grand on the left, facing slightly up
stage. Downstage center, a very large comfortable sofa, behind
which is a small table. There is also another sofa somewhere
about, and one or two small tables, and a gramophone. The rest
can be left to the discretion and taste of the decorator.
When the Curtain Rises it is about ten o'clock in the evening.
The windows are wide open, and the various street sounds of
Paris can be heard but not very loudly as the apartment is
high up. AMANDA and ELYOT are seated opposite one another at the table.
They have finished dinner and are dallying over coffee and
liqueurs. AMANDA is wearing pajamas, and ELYOT a comfortable
dressing-gown.
AMANDA: I'm glad we let Louise go. I am afraid she is going
to have a cold.
ELYOT: Going to have a cold; she's been grunting and snorting
all the evening like a whole herd of bison.
AMANDA [thoughtfully]: Bison never sounds right to me some-
how. I have a feeling it ought to be bisons, a flock of bisons.
ELYOT: You might say a covey of bisons, or even a school of
bisons.
AMANDA: Yes, lovely. The Royal London School of Bisons.
Do you think Louise is happy at home?
ELYOT: No, profoundly miserable.
AMANDA: Family beastly to her?
ELYOT [with conviction]: Absolutely vile. Knock her about
dreadfully I expect, make her eat the most disgusting food,
and pull her fringe.
AMANDA [laughing]: Oh, poor Louise.
ELYOT: Well, you know what the French are.
AMANDA: Oh yes, indeed. I know what the Hungarians are too.
ELYOT: What are they?
AMANDA: Very wistful. It's all those pretzels I shouldn't
wonder.
ELYOT: And the Poostza; I always felt the Poostza was far too
big, Danube or no Danube.
AMANDA: Have you ever crossed the Sahara on a camel?
ELYOT: Frequently. When I was a boy we used to do it all
the time. My grandmother had a lovely seat on a camel.
AMANDA: There's no doubt about it, foreign travel's the thing.
ELYOT: Would you like some brandy?
AMANDA: Just a little.
[He pours some into her glass and some into his own.]
ELYOT: I'm glad we didn't go out tonight.
AMANDA: Or last night.
ELYOT: Or the night before.
AMANDA: There's no reason to, really, when we're cozy here.
ELYOT: Exactly.
AMANDA: It's nice, isn't it?
ELYOT: Strangely peaceful. It's an awfully bad reflection on
our characters. We ought to be absolutely tortured with
conscience.
AMANDA: We are, every now and then.
ELYOT: Not nearly enough.
AMANDA: We sent Victor and Sibyl a nice note from wherever
it was; what more can they want?
ELYOT: You're even more ruthless than I am.
AMANDA: I don't believe in crying over my bridge before I've
eaten it.
ELYOT: Very sensible.
AMANDA: Personally I feel grateful for a miraculous escape.
I know now that I should never have been happy with Victor.
I was a fool ever to consider it.
ELYOT: You did a little more than consider it.
AMANDA: Well, you can't talk.
ELYOT: I wonder whether they met each other, or whether
they've been suffering alone.
AMANDA: Oh dear, don't let's go on about it, it really does
make one feel rather awful.
ELYOT: I suppose one or other or both of them will turn up here
eventually.
AMANDA: Bound to; it won't be very nice, will it?
ELYOT [cheerfully]: Perfectly horrible.
AMANDA: Do you realize that we're living in sin?
ELYOT: Not according to the Catholics; Catholics don't recognize
divorce. We're married as much as ever we were.
AMANDA: Yes, dear, but we're not Catholics.
ELYOT: Never mind, it's nice to think they'd sort of back us up.
We were married in the eyes of heaven, and we still are.
AMANDA: We may be alright in the eyes of Heaven, but we look
like being in the hell of a mess socially.
ELYOT: Who cares?
AMANDA: Are we going to marry again, after Victor and Sibyl
divorce us?
ELYOT: I suppose so. What do you think?
AMANDA: I feel rather scared of marriage really.
ELYOT: It is a frowsy business.
AMANDA: I believe it was just the fact of our being married, and
clamped together publicly, that wrecked us before.
ELYOT: That, and not knowing bow to manage each other.
AMANDA: Do you think we know how to manage each other now?
ELYOT: This week's been very successful. We've hardly used
Solomon Isaacs at all.
AMANDA: Solomon Isaacs is so long, let's shorten it to Sollocks.
ELYOT: All right.
AMANDA: Darling, you do look awfully sweet in your little dressing-gown.
ELYOT: Yes, it's pretty ravishing, isn't it?
AMANDA: Do you mind if I come round and kiss you?
ELYOT: A pleasure, Lady Agatha.
[AMANDA comes round the table, kisses him, picks up the
coffee pot, and returns to her chair.]
AMANDA: What fools we were to subject ourselves to five years'
unnecessary suffering.
ELYOT: Perhaps it wasn't unnecessary, perhaps it mellowed and
perfected us like beautiful ripe fruit.
AMANDA: When we were together, did you really think I was
unfaithful to you?
ELYOT: Yes, practically every day.
AMANDA: I thought you were too; often I used to torture myself
with visions of your bouncing about on divans with awful
widows.
ELYOT: Why widows?
AMANDA: I was thinking of Claire Lavenham really.
ELYOT: Oh, Claire.
AMANDA [sharply]: What did you say "Oh, Claire" like that for? It
sounded far too careless to me.
ELYOT [wistfully]: What a lovely creature she was.
AMANDA: Lovely, lovely, lovely!
ELYOT [blowing her a kiss]: Darling!
AMANDA: Did you ever have an affair with her? Afterwards I
mean?
ELYOT: Why do you want to know?
AMANDA: Curiosity, I suppose.
ELYOT: Dangerous.
AMANDA: Oh not now, not dangerous now. I wouldn't expect you
to have been celibate during those five years, any more than I
was.
ELYOT [jumping]: What?
AMANDA: After all, Claire was undeniably attractive. A trifle over
vivacious I always thought, but that was probably because she
was fundamentally stupid.
ELYOT: What do you mean about not being celibate during those
five years?
AMANDA: What do you think I mean?
ELYOT: Oh God!
[He looks down miserably.]
AMANDA: What's the matter?
ELYOT: You know perfectly well what's the matter.
AMANDA [gently]: You mustn't be unreasonable, I was only trying
to stamp out the memory of you. I expect your affairs well
outnumbered mine anyhow.
ELYOT: That is a little different. I'm a man.
AMANDA: Excuse me a moment while I get a caraway biscuit and
change my crinoline.
ELYOT: It doesn't suit women to be promiscuous.
AMANDA: It doesn't suit men for women to be promiscuous.
ELYOT [with sarcasm]: Very modern dear; really, your
advanced views quite startle me.
AMANDA: Don't be cross, Elyot, I haven't been so dreadfully loose
actually. Five years is a long time, and even if I did nip off with
someone every now and again, they were none of them very
serious.
ELYOT [rising from the table and walking away]: Oh, do stop
it please
AMANDA: Well, what about you?
ELYOT: Do you want me to tell you?
AMANDA: No, no, I don't -- I take everything back -- I don't.
ELYOT [Viciously]: I was madly in love with a woman in South
Africa.
AMANDA: Did she have a ring through her nose?
ELYOT: Don't be revolting.
AMANDA: We're tormenting one another. Sit down, sweet, I'm
scared.
ELYOT [Slowly]: Very well.
[He sits down thoughtfully.]
AMANDA: We should have said Sollocks ages ago.
ELYOT: We're in love all right.
AMANDA: Don't say it so bitterly. Let's try to get the best out of it
this time, instead of the worst.
ELYOT [stretching his hand across the table]: Hand, please.
AMANDA [clasping it]: Here.
ELYOT: More comfortable?
AMANDA: Much more.
ELYOT [after a slight pause]: Are you engaged for this dance?
AMANDA: Funnily enough I was, but my partner was suddenly
taken ill.
ELYOT [rising and going to the gramophone]: It's this
damned smallpox epidemic.
AMANDA: No, as a matter of fact it was kidney trouble.
ELYOT: You'll dance it with me I hope?
AMANDA [rising]: I shall be charmed.
ELYOT [as they dance]: Quite a good floor, isn't it?
AMANDA: Yes, I think it needs a little Borax.
ELYOT: I love Borax.
AMANDA: Is that the Grand Duchess Olga lying under the piano?
ELYOT: Yes, her husband died a few weeks ago, you know, on
his way back from Pulborough. So sad.
AMANDA: What on earth was he doing in Pulborough?
ELYOT: Nobody knows exactly, but there have been the usual
stories.
AMANDA: I see.
ELYOT: Delightful parties Lady Bundle always gives, doesn't
she?
AMANDA: Entrancing. Such a dear old lady.
ELYOT: And so gay: Did you notice her at supper blowing all
those shrimps through her ear trumpet?
[The tune comes to an end. AMANDA Sits on the edge of the
sofa, pensively.]
ELYOT: What are you thinking about?
AMANDA: Nothing in particular.
ELYOT: Come on, I know that face.
AMANDA: Poor Sibyl.
ELYOT: Sibyl?
AMANDA: Yes, I suppose she loves you terribly.
ELYOT: Not as much as all that; she didn't have a chance to get
really under way.
AMANDA: I expect she's dreadfully unhappy.
ELYOT: Oh, do shut up, Amanda, we've had all that out before.
AMANDA: We've certainly been pretty busy trying to justify
ourselves.
ELYOT: It isn't a question of justifying ourselves; it's the true
values of the situation that are really important. The moment we
saw one another again we knew it was no use going on. We
knew it instantly really, although we tried to pretend to ourselves
that we didn't. What we've got to be thankful for is that we
made the break straight away, and not later.
AMANDA You think we should have done it anyhow?
ELYOT: Of course, and things would have been in a worse mess
than they are now.
AMANDA: And what if we'd never happened to meet again. Would
you have been quite happy with Sibyl?
ELYOT: I expect so.
AMANDA: Oh, Elyot!
ELYOT: You needn't look so stricken. It would have been the
same with you and Victor. Life would have been smooth, and
amicable, and quite charming, wouldn't it?
AMANDA: Poor dear Victor. He certainly did love me.
ELYOT: Splendid.
AMANDA: When I met him I was so lonely and depressed, I felt
that I was getting old, and crumbling away unwanted.
ELYOT: It certainly is horrid when one begins to crumble.
AMANDA [wistfully]: He used to look at me hopelessly like a
lovely spaniel, and I sort of melted like snow in the sunlight.
ELYOT: That must have been an edifying spectacle.
AMANDA: Victor really had a great charm.
ELYOT: You must tell me all about it.
AMANDA: He had a positive mania for looking after me, and
protecting me.
ELYOT: That would have died down in time, dear.
AMANDA: You mustn't be rude; there's no necessity to be rude.
ELYOT: I wasn't in the least rude; I merely made a perfectly
rational statement.
AMANDA: Your voice was decidedly bitter.
ELYOT: Victor bad glorious legs, hadn't he? And fascinating ears.
AMANDA: Don't be silly.
ELYOT: He probably looked radiant in the morning, all flushed
and tumbled on the pillow.
AMANDA: I never saw him on the pillow.
ELYOT: I'm surprised to hear it.
AMANDA [angrily]: Elyot!
Elyot: There's no need to be cross.
AMANDA: What did you mean by that?
ELYOT: I'm sick of listening to you yap, yap, yap, yap, yap,
yapping about Victor.
AMANDA: Now listen Elyot, once and for all --,
ELYOT: Oh my dear, Sollocks! Sollocks! -- two minutes -- Sollocks.
AMANDA: But --
ELYOT [firmly]: Sollocks! [They sit in dead silence, looking at
each other. AMANDA makes a sign that she wants a cigarette. ELYOT gets up, hands her the box, and lights one for her and
himself. AMANDA rises and walks over to the window, and
stands there, looking out for a moment. Presently ELYOT
joins her. She slips her arm through his, and they kiss
lightly. They draw the curtains and then come down and sit
side by side on the sofa. ELYOT looks at his watch. AMANDA
raises her eyebrows at him and he nods, then they both sigh,
audibly] That was a near thing.
AMANDA: It was my fault. I'm terribly sorry, darling.
ELYOT: I was very irritating, I know I was. I'm sure Victor was
awfully nice, and you're perfectly right to be sweet about him.
AMANDA: That's downright handsome of you. Sweetheart!
[She kisses him.]
ELYOT [leaning back with her on the sofa]: I think I love you
more than ever before. Isn't it ridiculous? Put your feet up.
[She puts her legs across his, and they snuggle back
together in the corner of the sofa, his head resting on her
shoulder.]
AMANDA: Comfortable?
ELYOT: Almost, wait a minute.
[He struggles a bit and then settles down with a sigh.]
AMANDA: How long, Oh Lord, how long?
ELYOT [drowsily]: What do you mean, "How long, Oh Lord,
how long?"
AMANDA: This is far too perfect to last.
ELYOT: You have no faith, that's what's wrong with you.
AMANDA: Absolutely none.
ELYOT: Don't you believe in-?
[He nods upwards.]
AMANDA: No, do you?
ELYOT [shaking his head]: No. What about-?
[He points downwards.] AMANDA: Oh, dear no.
ELYOT: Don't you believe in anything?
AMANDA: Oh yes, I believe in being kind to everyone, and giving money
to old beggar women, and being as gay as possible.
ELYOT: What about after we're dead?
AMANDA: I think a rather gloomy merging into everything, don't you?
ELYOT: I hope not; I'm a bad merger.
AMANDA: You won't know a thing about it.
ELYOT: I hope for a glorious oblivion, like being under gas.
AMANDA: I always dream the most peculiar things under gas.
ELYOT: Would you be young always? If you could choose?
AMANDA: No, I don't think so, not if it meant having awful bull's glands
popped into me.
ELYOT: Cow's for you, dear. Bull's for me.
AMANDA: We certainly live in a marvellous age.
ELYOT: Too marvellous. It's alright if you happen to be a specialist at
something, then you're too concentrated to pay attention to all the other
things going on. But, for the ordinary observer, it's too much.
AMANDA [snuggling closer]: Far, far too much.
ELYOT: Take the radio for instance.
AMANDA: Oh darling, don't let's take the radio.
ELYOT: Well, aeroplanes then, and Cosmic Atoms, and Television, and
those gland injections we were talking about just now.
AMANDA: It must be so nasty for the poor animals, being experimented
on.
ELYOT: Not when the experiments are successful. Why in Vienna I
believe you can see whole lines of decrepit old rats carrying on like Tiller
Girls.
AMANDA [laughing]: Oh, how very, very sweet.
ELYOT [burying his face in her shoulder]: I do love you so.
AMANDA: Don't blow, dear heart, it gives me the shivers.
ELYOT [trying to kiss her]: Swivel your face round a bit more.
AMANDA [obliging]: That better?
ELYOT [kissing her lingeringly]: Very nice, thank you kindly.
AMANDA [twining her arms round his neck]: Darling, you're so terribly,
terribly dear, and sweet, and attractive.
[She pulls his head down to her again and they kiss lovingly.]
ELYOT [Softly]: We were raving mad, ever to part, even for an instant.
AMANDA: Utter imbeciles.
ELYOT: I realized it almost immediately, didn't you?
AMANDA: Long before we got our decree.
ELYOT: My heart broke on that damned trip round the world. I saw
such beautiful things, darling. Moonlight shining on old temples,
strange barbaric dances in jungle villages, scarlet flamingoes flying over
deep, deep blue water. Breathlessly lovely, and completely unexciting
because you weren't there to see them with me.
AMANDA [kissing him again]: Take me please, take me at once, let's make
up for lost time.
ELYOT: Next week?
AMANDA: Tomorrow.
ELYOT: Done.
AMANDA: I must see those dear flamingoes. [There is a pause.] Eight
years all told, we've loved each other. Three married and five divorced.
ELYOT: Angel. Angel. Angel.
[He kisses her passionately.]
AMANDA [struggling slightly]: No, Elyot, stop now, stop
ELYOT: Why should I stop? You know you adore being made love to.
AMANDA [through his kisses]: It's so soon after dinner.
ELYOT [jumping up rather angrily]: You really do say most awful
things.
AMANDA [tidying her hair]: I don't see anything particularly awful about
that.
ELYOT: No sense of glamor, no sense of glamor at all.
AMANDA: It's difficult to feel really glamorous with a crick in the neck.
ELYOT: Why didn't you say you had a crick in your neck?
AMANDA [sweetly]: It's gone now.
ELYOT: How convenient.
[He lights a cigarette.]
AMANDA [holding out her hand]: I want one please.
ELYOT [throwing her one]: Here.
AMANDA: Match?
ELYOT [impatiently]: Wait a minute, can't you?
AMANDA: Chivalrous little love.
ELYOT [throwing the matches at her]: Here.
AMANDA [coldly]: Thank you very much indeed.
[There is a silence for a moment.]
ELYOT: You really can be more irritating than anyone in the world.
AMANDA: I fail to see what I've done that's so terribly irritating.
ELYOT: You have no tact.
AMANDA: Tact. You have no consideration.
ELYOT [walking up and down]: Too soon after dinner indeed.
AMANDA: Yes, much too soon.
ELYOT: That sort of remark shows rather a common sort of mind, I'm
afraid.
AMANDA: Oh it does, does it?
ELYOT: Very unpleasant, makes me shudder.
AMANDA: Making all this fuss just because your silly vanity is a little
upset.
ELYOT: Vanity: What do you mean, vanity?
AMANDA: You can't bear the thought that there are certain moments when
our chemical, what d'you call 'ems, don't fuse properly.
ELYOT [derisively]: Chemical what d'you call 'ems: Please try to be more
explicit.
AMANDA: You know perfectly well what I mean, and don't you try to
patronize me.
ELYOT [loudly]: Now look here, Amanda-
AMANDA [suddenly]: Darling, Sollocks! Oh, for God's sake, Sollocks!
[They stand looking at one another in silence for a moment,
then AMANDA flings herself down on the sofa and buries her face in the
cushion. ELYOT looks at her, then goes over to the piano. He sits down
and begins to play idly. AMANDA raises her head, screws herself round
on the sofa, and lies there listening. ELYOT blows a kiss to her and
goes on playing. He starts to sing softly to her, never taking his eyes off
her. When he has finished the little refrain, whatever it was, he still
continues to play it looking at her.]
AMANDA: Big romantic stuff, darling. ELYOT [smiling]: Yes, big romantic stuff.
[He wanders off into another tune. AMANDA Sits tip crossedlegged on
the sofa, and begins to sing it, then, still singing, she comes over and
perches on the piano. They sing several old refrains from dead and
gone musical comedies finishing with the song that brought them
together again in the first act. Finally AMANDA comes down and sits
next to him on the piano stool, they both therefore have their backs half
turned to the audience. She rests her head on his shoulder, until finally
his fingers drop off the keys, and they melt into one another's arms.]
ELYOT [after a moment]: You're the most thrilling, exciting woman that
was ever born.
AMANDA [standing up, and brushing her hand lightly over his mouth]:
Dearest, dearest heart.
[He catches at her hand and kisses it, and then her arm, until he is
standing up, embracing her ardently. She struggles a little, half
laughing, and breaks away, but he catches her, and they finish up on
the sofa again, clasped in each other's arms, both completely given up
to the passion of the moment, until the telephone bell rings violently,
and they both spring apart.]
ELYOT: Good God!
AMANDA: Do you think it's them?
ELYOT: I wonder.
AMANDA: Nobody knows we're here except Freda, and she wouldn't ring
up.
ELYOT: It must be them then.
AMANDA: What are we to do?
ELYOT [suddenly]: We're all right darling, aren't we -- whatever
happens?
AMANDA: Now and always, sweet.
ELYOT: I don't care then.
[He gets up and goes defiantly over to the telephone, which has been
ringing incessantly during the little preceding scene.]
AMANDA: It was bound to come sooner or later.
ELYOT [at telephone]: Hallo -- hallo -- what -- comment? Madame, qui?
'allo -- 'allo -- oui c'est ca. Oh, Madame Duvallon -- oui, oui.
[He puts his hand over the mouthpiece] It's only somebody wanting
to talk to the dear Madame Duvallon.
AMANDA: Who's she?
ELYOT: I haven't the faintest idea. [At telephone] Je regrette
beaucoup, Monsieur, mais Madame Duvallon viens de partir cette apres-
midi, pour Madagascar. [He hangs up the telephone] Whew; that gave
me a fright.
AMANDA: It sent shivers up my spine.
ELYOT: What shall we do if they suddenly walk in on us?
AMANDA: Behave exquisitely.
ELYOT: With the most perfect poise?
AMANDA: Certainly, I shall probably do a Court Curtsey.
ELYOT [sitting on the edge of the sofa]: Things that ought to matter
dreadfully, don't matter at all when one's happy, do they?
AMANDA: What is so horrible is that one can't stay happy.
ELYOT: Darling, don't say that.
AMANDA: It's true. The whole business is a very poor joke.
ELYOT: Meaning that sacred and beautiful thing, Love?
AMANDA: Yes, meaning just that.
ELYOT [striding up and down the room dramatically]: What does it
all mean, that's what I ask myself in my ceaseless quest for ultimate
truth. Dear God, what does it all mean?
AMANDA: Don't laugh at me, I'm serious.
ELYOT [seriously]: You mustn't be serious, my dear one; it's just what
they want.
AMANDA: Who's they?
ELYOT: All the futile moralists who try to make life unbearable.
Laugh at them. Be flippant. Laugh at everything, all their sacred
shibboleths. Flippancy brings out the acid in there damned sweetness
and light.
AMANDA: If I laugh at everything, I must laugh at us too.
ELYOT: Certainly you must. We're figures of fun all right.
AMANDA: How long will it last, this ludicrous, overbearing love of ours?
ELYOT: Who knows?
AMANDA: Shall we always want to bicker and fight?
ELYOT: No, that desire will fade, along with our passion.
AMANDA: Oh dear, shall we like that?
ELYOT: It all depends on how well we've played.
AMANDA: What happens if one of us dies? Does the one that's left still
laugh?
ELYOT: Yes, yes, with all his might.
AMANDA [wistfully clutching his hand]: That's serious enough, isn't
it?
ELYOT: No, no, it isn't. Death's very laughable, such a cunning little
mystery. All done with mirrors.
AMANDA: Darling, I believe you're talking nonsense.
ELYOT: So is everyone else in the long run. Let's be superficial and
pity the poor philosophers. Let's blow trumpets and squeakers, and
enjoy the party as much as we can, like very small, quite idiotic school
children. Let's savour the delight of the moment. Come and kiss me
darling, before your body rots, and worms pop in and out of your eye
sockets.
AMANDA: Elyot, worms don't pop.
ELYOT [kissing her]: I don't mind what you do, see? You can paint
yourself bright green all over, and dance naked in the Place Vendome,
and rush off madly with all the men in the world, and I shan't say a
word, as long as you love me best.
AMANDA: Thank you, dear. The same applies to you, except that if I
catch you so much as looking at another woman, I'll kill you.
ELYOT: Do you remember that awful scene we had in Venice?
AMANDA: Which particular one?
ELYOT: The one when you bought that little painted wooden snake on
the Piazza, and put it on my bed.
AMANDA: Oh, Charles. That was his name, Charles. He did wriggle
so beautifully.
ELYOT: Horrible thing, I hated it.
AMANDA: Yes, I know you did. You threw it out of the window into
the Grand Canal. I don't think I'll ever forgive you for that.
ELYOT: How long did the row last?
AMANDA: It went on intermittently for days.
ELYOT: The worst one was in Cannes when your curling irons
burnt a hole in my new dressing-gown.
[He laughs.]
AMANDA: It burnt my comb too, and all the towels in the bathroom.
ELYOT: That was a rouser, wasn't it?
AMANDA: That was the first time you ever hit me.
ELYOT: I didn't hit you very hard.
AMANDA: The manager came in and found us rolling on the floor,
biting and scratching like panthers. Oh dear, oh dear...
[She laughs helplessly.]
ELYOT: I shall never forget his face.
[They both collapse with laughter.]
AMANDA: How ridiculous, how utterly, utterly ridiculous.
ELYOT: We were very much younger then.
AMANDA: And very much sillier.
ELYOT: As a matter of fact the real cause of that row was Peter
Burden.
AMANDA: You knew there was nothing in that.
ELYOT: I didn't know anything of the sort, you took presents from
him.
AMANDA: Presents: only a trivial little brooch.
ELYOT: I remember it well, bristling with diamonds. In the worst
possible taste.
AMANDA: Not at all, it was very pretty. I still have it, and I wear it
often.
ELYOT: You went out of your way to torture me over Peter
Burden.
AMANDA: No, I didn't, you worked the whole thing up in your
jealous imagination.
ELYOT: You must admit that he was in love with you, wasn't he?
AMANDA: just a little perhaps. Nothing serious.
ELYOT: You let him kiss you. You said you did.
AMANDA: Well, what of it?
ELYOT: What of it!
AMANDA: It gave him a lot of pleasure, and it didn't hurt me.
ELYOT: What about me?
AMANDA: If you hadn't been so suspicious and nosey you'd never
have known a thing about it.
ELYOT: That's a nice point of view I must say.
AMANDA: Oh dear, I'm bored with this conversation.
ELYOT: So am I, bored stiff. [He goes over to the table] Want
some brandy?
AMANDA: No thanks.
ELYOT: I'll have a little, I think.
AMANDA: I don't see why you want it, you've already had two
glasses.
ELYOT: No particular reason, anyhow they were very small ones.
AMANDA: It seems so silly to go on, and on, and on with a thing.
ELYOT [pouring himself out a glassful]: You can hardly call
three liqueur glasses in a whole evening going on, and on, and on.
AMANDA: It's become a habit with you.
ELYOT: You needn't be so grand, just because you don't happen
to want any yourself at the moment.
AMANDA: Don't be so stupid.
ELYOT [irritably]: Really Amanda
AMANDA: What?
ELYOT: Nothing. [AMANDA sits down on the sofa, and, taking a
small mirror from her bag, gazes at her face critically, and
then uses some lipstick and powder. A trifle nastily] Going out
somewhere, dear?
AMANDA: No, just making myself fascinating for you.
ELYOT: That reply has broken my heart.
AMANDA: The woman's job is to allure the man. Watch me a minute, will
you?
ELYOT: As a matter of fact that's perfectly true.
AMANDA: Oh, no, it isn't.
ELYOT: Yes it is.
AMANDA [snappily]: Oh be quiet.
ELYOT: It's a pity you didn't have any more brandy; it might have made
you a little less disagreeable.
AMANDA: It doesn't seem to have worked such wonders with you.
ELYOT: Snap, snap, snap; like a little adder.
AMANDA: Adders don't snap, they sting.
ELYOT: Nonsense, they have a little bag of venom behind their fangs
and they snap.
AMANDA: They sting.
ELYOT: They snap.
AMANDA [with exasperation]: I don't care, do you understand? I don't
care. I don't mind if they bark, and roll about like hoops.
ELYOT [after a slight pause]: Did you see much of Peter Burden after
our divorce?
AMANDA: Yes, I did, quite a lot.
ELYOT: I suppose you let him kiss you a good deal more then.
AMANDA: Mind your own business.
ELYOT: You must have had a riotous time. [AMANDA doesn't answer, so
he stalks about the room] No restraint at all -- very enjoyable --
you never had much anyhow.
AMANDA: You're quite insufferable; I expect it's because you're drunk.
ELYOT: I'm not in the least drunk.
AMANDA: You always had a weak head.
ELYOT: I think I mentioned once before that I have only had three
minute liqueur glasses of brandy the whole evening long. A child of two
couldn't get drunk on that.
AMANDA: On the contrary, a child of two could get violently drunk on
only one glass of brandy.
ELYOT: Very interesting. How about a child of four, and a child of six,
and a child of nine?
AMANDA [turning her head away]: Oh do shut up.
ELYOT [witheringly]: We might get up a splendid little debate about
that, you know, Intemperate Tots.
AMANDA: Not very funny, dear; you'd better have some more brandy.
ELYOT: Very good idea, I will.
[He pours out another glass and gulps it down defiantly.]
AMANDA: Ridiculous ass.
ELYOT: I beg your pardon?
AMANDA: I said ridiculous ass!
ELYOT [with great dignity]: Thank you. [There is a silence. AMANDA
gets up, and turns the gramophone on] You'd better turn that off, I
think.
AMANDA [coldly]: Why?
ELYOT: It's very late and it will annoy the people upstairs.
AMANDA: There aren't any people upstairs. It's a photographer's studio.
ELYOT: There are people downstairs, I suppose?
AMANDA: They're away in Tunis.
ELYOT: This is no time of the year for Tunis.
[He turns the gramophone off.]
AMANDA [icily]: Turn it on again, please.
ELYOT: I'll do no such thing.
AMANDA: Very well, if you insist on being boorish and idiotic.
[She gets up and turns it on again.]
ELYOT: Turn it off. It's driving me mad.
AMANDA: You're far too temperamental. Try to control yourself.
ELYOT: Turn it off.
AMANDA: I won't. [ELYOT rushes at the gramophone. AMANDA tries to
ward him off. They struggle silently for a moment, then the needle
screeches across the record] There now, you've ruined the record.
[She takes it off and scrutinizes it.]
ELYOT: Good job, too.
AMANDA: Disagreeable pig.
ELYOT [suddenly stricken with remorse]: Amanda darling, Sollocks.
AMANDA [furiously]: Sollocks yourself.
[She breaks the record over his head.]
ELYOT [staggering]: You spiteful little beast.
[He slaps her face. She screams loudly and hurls herself sobbing with
rage on to the sofa, with her face buried in the cushions.]
AMANDA [wailing]: Oh, oh, oh-
ELYOT: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it -- I'm sorry, darling, I swear
I didn't mean it.
AMANDA: Go away, go away, I hate you.
[ELYOT kneels on the sofa and tries to pull her round to look at him.]
ELYOT: Amanda -- listen -- listen --
AMANDA [turning suddenly, and fetching him a welt across the face]:
Listen indeed; I'm sick and tired of listening to you, you damned
sadistic bully.
ELYOT [with great grandeur]: Thank you. [He stalks towards the door,
in stately silence. AMANDA throws a cushion at him, which misses him
and knocks down a lamp and a vase on the side table. ELYOT laughs
falsely] A pretty display I must say.
AMANDA [wildly]: Stop laughing like that.
ELYOT [continuing]: Very amusing indeed.
AMANDA [losing control]: Stop--stop--stop-- [She rushes at him, he grabs
her hands and they sway about the room, until he manages to twist her
round by the arms so that she faces him, closely, quivering with fury]--I
hate you--do you hear? You're conceited, and overbearing, and utterly
impossible!
ELYOT [shouting her down]: You're a vile-tempered, loose-living;
wicked little beast, and I never want to see you again so long as I live.
[He flings her away from him, she staggers, and falls against a chair.
They stand gasping at one another in silence for a moment.]
AMANDA [very quietly]: This is the end, do you understand? The end,
finally and forever.
[She goes to the door, which opens on to the landing, and wrenches it
open. He rushes after her and clutches her wrist. ]
ELYOT: You're not going like this.
AMANDA: Oh, yes I am.
ELYOT: You're not.
AMANDA: I am; let go of me--[He pulls her away from the door, and once
more they struggle. This time a standard lamp crashes to the ground. AMANDA, breathlessly, as they fight] You're a cruel fiend, and I hate and
loathe you; thank God I've realized in time what you're really like;
marry you again, never, never, never... I'd rather die in torment
ELYOT [at the same time]; Shut up; shut up. I wouldn't marry you again
if you came crawling to me on your bended knees, you're a mean, evil-
minded, little vampire -- I hope to God I never set eyes on you again as
long as I live
[At this point in the proceedings they trip over a piece of carpet, and
fall on to the floor, rolling over and over in paroxysms of rage. VICTOR
and SIBYL enter quietly, through the open door, and stand staring at
them in horror. Finally AMANDA breaks free and half gets Up, ELYOT
grabs her leg, and she falls against a table, knocking it completely
over.]
[She rushes back at ELYOT who is just rising to his feet, and gives him a
stinging blow, which knocks him over again. She rushes blindly off
Left, and slams the door, at the same moment that he jumps up and
rushes off Right, also slamming the door. VICTOR and SIBYL advance
apprehensively into the room, and sink on to the sofa]
Alan Rickman as Elyot |
Рецензия DV |
Перевод на русский (М. Мишин)
